Sad anniversary

5 months ago today my baby grew wings. It's been a hard road to travel something I never thought would happen to me. I still cry about it often, still can't bear to be around pregnant woman and stare longinly at any newborn I see. The loss of a child no matter how early changes you in a way you can't even imagine. I feel there is a hole threw my heart and soul, a hole that will never heal. It will forever be raw and bleeding.

I'm not a very religions person but I find myself hoping that all my doubts are worng, that someday I will be reunited with my child. That Gabriel is up in heaven with my other lost love ones looking down on me. I try to imagine my child in the arms of Grandfather. Crying to hard to type now...

SAHM, at least part time.

Today was the first day of my part time Stay-at-home-mom hood! This is something I have wanted since before Logan was born. Finally it's here! The official schedule is every Tues & Wed and every other Thursday in the office. That means 4 and 5 days weekends!!!! It was so great getting up later then normal only an hour but what a difference and hour makes. And my off day Alarm clock of a little voice calling "Mommy" beat the heck out of the beep beep beep. We had a great day after breakfast of French toast and eggs we walked down to the park. It's about a mile walk which wasn’t bad at all on the way there; I didn’t realize it was all down hill. Which of course means the walk home was all up high, my legs were screaming by the time I got home. But it was good I need to excerse more. Logan had a ball at the playground, we were alone for a while then a few other kids showed up over all they played well together. We got home just in time for lunch. Little man napped for almost 3 hours! After nap we put laundry away and then went to target, the bank, and stopped at the library. Our visit to the library was cut short by Logan announcing "Go poopy?" I checked his diaper just in time to see/hear him poop. But hey he recognized the sensation! And yesterday he went poo poo on the potty. Now he's watching Jacks big music show, dinner is in the oven and I'm relaxing. How I used nap time, I worked on the ever growing program for Mitch's work, and really made some good progress. I'm really hoping to have it done by Friday.