Bella walked the rainbow bridge today. Far to soon my puppy has left us. My heart is breaking again. I keep looking around expectign to see her, thinking oh hear comes Bella when I hear any sound. I am finding it impossible to accecpt that she is gone. I am in physical pain over lossing her. What I would give to hear her barking right now.

Depressed

It goes with out saying that I'm depressed. I'm devastated about my puppy. I keep torturing myself. Did I do the right thing, did I give her a good life? I feel guilty that I told her bad dog when she peed on the floor on Sat. I feel guilty that she spent her last night in the pet hospital. I'm afraid that she was to drugged up to know I was with her to the end. I'm afraid that she didn't hear me telling her how much I love her, thank you for choosing me, thank you for loving me. I just want my puppy back, I just want one more day to love her and let her know how much I love her. I just want to crawl into a hole go to sleep and never come out.

My heart is broken.

After 15 wonderful years of lots of love Amanita has left us for heaven. I knew this day was coming sooner then later but I'm just devastated. She helped me threw the worst and celebrated the best with me. I will miss her terribly; the world seems a lesser place with out her.

I remember the day I got her, we went to look at the litter, there were 3 puppies left 2 boys and my baby girl. I knew I wanted a female. When we go there the puppies were running around they were so small and close to the ground I couldn’t tell which was the female. Then this super tiny puppy came running up to me looking so cute with her giant beagle ears. I knew right then this was the puppy for me, and wouldn’t you know it she was a she. I've always said she picked me.

She was the only constant joy in my life during the dark years of my young adulthood. The reason I had to get up everyday, the warm furry source of love. She was there when I was so sick during my pregnancy; curling up with me in an odd way somehow she knew I was pregnant. She’s been a great playmate for Logan on her good days acting just like a puppy playing chase around the yard. Words can not convey how thankful I am to have had her in my life, how much I love her, and how much she will be missed.

Logans 4th!!

Not to toot my own horn but I ROCK!! The party was great.

Well I have to say the party was a huge hit. I need to get the photos my Mom got too. We made 3 large cardboard box buildings with flames. Gave all the kids water squirters to put out the fire. They loved it we had some minor incidents of spraying people not buildings but over all they were really good about it. We had lunch and just about the time they were all getting stir crazy the real fun began.

The arranged entertaiment arriving


Lt. Dean giving the kids the safety talk.


Group photo with the fireman all geared up.


Logan getting a ride in the truck! How cool was that.


Stef in the firetruck flirting with the fireman.

And finally the cake.

Time to crawl out from under my rock.

I know I've been absent. No excuses just havent been here. That is all I will resume regular postings of babble.


This week will be totally deticated to party planning. I need to get on the ball here. Biggest issue is I need big cardboard boxes which Mitch is in charge of getting from his friend. Mitch its a major procratonator I asked him for the boxes 3 weeks ago and then 2 weeks ago and then this week. He said something last night about getting them after it stopped raining. Umm hello its going to rain all weekend, he is not a planner always does everything last min. Which I hate! Like Oh I need to run to the liquor store as our guests are arriving at a party! Anyway your wondering what on earth does she need big boxes for? Well I have great memories of making boxes and blankets into things growing up so for the party I'll be making a Firetruck and a burning building. Still need to figure out how exactly to make the flames work. I got the kids these water squiters to "put the fire out" I need to rig something so the flames will get knocked down. Ok thats the days babble.

Spring fever

Today was geourguos at least for a few hours then the rain started. Logan and I spent a few hours in the yard and green house. I set up some pots organized a little and let Logan fill the water bottles till he lost interest. I filled 3 bags with leaves, and raked lots of other leaves into the corner of the yard to be collected later. I notcied lots of bulbs starting to poke up, I'm so ready for spring I can taste it. These dark and dreary days are boring me an improvement over the usual depression of years past. I guess not spending 40 hours a week under flouresant lights has helped. Then again it could just be me being home with the little man. After the rains sent us in we started some seeds inside. 12 tomates, 8 peppers, 3 or each cantalope and broc. All heirloom seeds that were chirstmas gifts.

This should be Gabriels first Birthday.

It's hard to beleive that today I should be helping my child blow out a birthday candle. That I should be marking this day with wonder and happiness remembering all the firsts that have come. Instead I speak of a child lost. One who's frist will never come, who's voice I will never hear call for me, say I love, grow up to make me proud. You are with me always Gabriel, I miss you so.