Hiding

I know I've been hiding I've just been hold up in my own world trying to keep myself distracted. You see that's how I deal with so many things. I've found in my life that it's just eaiser to pretend I don't see this, or feel that, or that X dosent exists. It's a practice I've become very good with, it's self preservation. I never know any current events, pop culture is a complete mystery to me, and things I know will upset me I block out or so I try. With all that being said I've been hiding from pregnant women. It's nothing personal I dont hold any annimosity towards those I know, but it's my way. Do I feel bad about it? Yes, I would love nothing more then to regain that blissfull period after Logan was born when I would look at any pregnant woman and think, your in for a great ride, welcome to the mommy club, and so on. But try as I might I can't return to that place, I'm forever changed. I know this too will pass it will just take some time. I'll be back soon I just need a break.

A step towards accecptance.

I just spend the past hour packing up infant stuff. My cousin is due in Nov and has nothing. So I sucked it up and I'm passing on lots of stuff. Admittedly most of what I'm passing on is the stuff my other cousin passed to me. I'm not ready to part with the things I purchased or the things that my Mom and close friends gave me. But still I'm passing on the bassinet, pack and play, excersauser, highchair, all the baby feeding stuff, nearly all the infant toys, and a stroller. Surprisingly enough at the moment I'm Ok with it. Now when I load it all up into the car to go I might fall apart. Sadly I'm realizing that my hope is waining.